Unhelpful myths about the sexual assault and rape of men
There have been so many unhelpful myths about the sexual assault and the rape of men, its sometimes hard to see the “wood for the trees” What is clear is that these myths minimise and diminish the seriousness of the crime that has been committed and helps the perpetrators of theses crimes avoid the responsibility for their actions. Most importantly of all, these myths can have an affect on a way a man feels about himself following an assault or a rape, which could then lead to him not seeking the assistance that he needs and can influence the way that he is treated.
These unhelpful myths are a lie a living and breathing creature that if they have enough oxygen in the community tend to grow and become more potent. In oder to crush this “creature” our society we should all be actively challenging these myths. We can only do this as a community so that we can assist these brave “heroic” men who are and have been subjected to sexual assault and rape. There are probably too many myths about this subject that it would be difficult to address all of them here. Amongst some of these unhelpful myths to watch out for are:
Myth 1: Men can’t be raped or sexually assaulted.
The Reality: This is probably one of the most detrimental myths that has been circulating for quite a long time. Men can and certainly are being sexually assaulted and rasped. It really doesn’t matter what size, strength, appearance, age, occupation, race or sexual identity man is, it’s possible for him to be sexually assaulted or raped. It doesn't help matters if Governments also help to breath life into a myth likes this. In fact, historically, according to the Queensland Criminal Code, up until 1997, the offence of rape could only be committed against a woman.
Myth 2: Only Gay men can be sexually assaulted or raped.
The Reality: Ah yes, another great myth! Just so we are all not he same page, as in the first myth, any man can be raped or sexually assaulted, whether he identifies as straight, gay, bi, transgender or fluid sexuality. Remember that rape is a crime of power and coercion where the other person is powerless to stop.
Myth 3: It is gay men who sexually assault other men.
The Reality: Lets get straight to the point, Most men who sexually assault other men identify themselves as straight. The focus on questions of sexuality stops attention being placed on the manipulation, violence, coercion or control used to perpetrate sexual abuse.
Myth 4: Men cannot be sexually assaulted or raped by a woman.
The Reality: This is another one of those myths that does the rounds. Statistically speaking, although the majority of sexual assaults are committed by men, women do sexually assault men. A few things to remember about sexual assault, sexual assault isn’t just about overwhelming physical force: it certainly involves a huge amount of emotional manipulation where a man can be emotionally coerced into a sexual act out of fear of potential repercussions for his relationships, work etc. Over the past few years the number of men identifying being abused by a woman when they were boys or young men has risen over the past few years. deas that men should always want sex with women and that as a young man you should feel lucky if you have sex with an older woman also make it difficult for a man to publicly name sexual assault by a woman.
Myth 5: Erection or ejaculation during sexual assault means you “really wanted it” or consented to it.
The Reality: A little bit of a physiology lesson for everyone now. Erection or ejaculation are physiological responses that can be induced through manipulation and pressure on the prostate.Some people who commit sexual assault and rape are very aware of how male bodies work and how erections and ejaculations can confuse a man and this motivates them to manipulate their body and penis to the point of erections or ejaculation. This is the most important part: Developing an erection or ejaculating does not indicate that a man wanted or enjoyed the assault nor does it say anything about sexual identity (e.g. if a man develops an erection when a dog sits on his lap, it doesn’t mean he is interested in sex with dogs!).
Myth 6: I asked for it – He asked for it.
The Reality: Sexual assault is a sexual act perpetrated without full and free consent. It doesn’t matter where you go, who you choose to spend your time with, how you dress or act, it does not make you responsible for being sexually assaulted. Agreement to engage in an intimate sexual encounter does not mean you agree to anything and everything. It is within your rights to say ‘NO’ at any time-even whilst in the middle of penetrative sex. This myth is supported by society’s tendency to question and blame the person who is assaulted, which in turn can invite self questioning and self blame. It is the responsibility of all persons involved in sexual contact to ensure that there is full and free consent at all times.
Myth 7: Most rapists are strangers.
The Reality: Most men know the person who assaults them in some way. Often he/she is well known to them. They may be a friend, neighbour, boss, or relative; father, uncle, mother, aunt, brother, sister, partner or ex-partner. They may be a professional or tradesperson such as a doctor, teacher, trainer, psychiatrist, police officer, clergy, group leader or public servant.
Myth 8: Some people physically can’t commit rape.
The Reality: A person’s physical strength, sex, sexual potency and sexual preference does not affect their ability to rape. Sexual assault can be committed through coercion or manipulation, by using fingers or objects such as sticks, marker pens or bottles. Rape is not all about physical force: young people and old people do sexually assault young and old people.
Myth 9: Men who sexually assault can’t control their sexuality.
The Reality: People can control their sexual desires if they want to, however strong they might be. No “desire” gives anyone the right to violate and abuse another person. Far from being caused by lack of control, many sexual assaults are pre-planned and involve considerable abuse of power and control.
Myth 10: Sexual assault and rape in gay couples does not exist.
The Reality: Rape in same sex relationships does occur, just as rape in straight relationships occurs. Through physical, psychological or emotional coercion, some men are forced by their partners to engage in unwanted sexual acts. The fact that the man has been in a longstanding sexual relationship with his partner does not remove his right to say ‘NO!’. Unfortunately, many men within the gay community are reluctant to come forward and name a sexual assault out of an understandable fear that they will not receive appropriate care and support. This again highlights how the problem of sexual assault of men is compounded by societal homophobia.
Myth 11: Male rape only happens in prisons.
The Reality: Rape does occur in prisons. The fact that men are subjected to raped in prison is something that was highlighted in the late 1960s and continues to occur today. A major Australian study identified that about a quarter of young men will be sexually assaulted whilst in prison. However, rape also occurs outside of prisons, in the general community and in the armed services, colleges, universities in the city and in regional and rural areas. In the 2005 Personal Safety Survey, more men reported being sexual assaulted after the age of 15 than before!
Myth 12: Men who have been sexually assaulted will go on to perpetrate sexual assault.
The Reality: The majority of men who experience sexual violence do not perpetrate abuse or assault (they are horrified by such a suggestion). This is one of the most difficult myths for men: it can make men very reluctant to talk about experiences of rape or sexual abuse. There is no evidence to suggest an automatic route from experiencing abuse to going on to commit sexual offences. However, particular experiences (additional to sexual abuse) and models of masculinity are associated with an increased risk of someone perpetrating abuse.
Myth 13: Men who are raped are damaged and scarred for life.
The Reality: Men can and do survive sexual assault, physically and emotionally, and go on to live full lives, enjoying rewarding relationships as friends, partners or parents. Although sexual assault can have a profound impact on men, they can and do find a way through and live the kind of life they would like. The media and many professional publications concentrate on stories of damage, recounting horror stories of what happened and the associated problems, without providing equal time to detail how men get on with their lives.
So what are the troubles with these myths?
Make it harder for men to talk about an experience of sexual assault
Make it harder for men to find support
Make it harder for men to report an offence to police
Make it harder to prosecute someone who commits a sexual assault
We as a community can help dispel these myths.